Welcome!

I'm excited you stopped by. I'm here to share the ins & outs of my journey through single parenthood, and to gather single parents & their supporters to share ideas on how we can be successful, happy families.

Please take a look around and offer any feedback to me or advice to others. Good luck on your journey! 

Meet Singleparent

Have you checked out Cereals at PNN? It's a cool site run by another lovely and talented Jaime who interviews pnn writers and other cool people.

I was lucky enough to snag a few minutes with Jaime to tell people about Singleparent and myself. The interview is available on her website, so check it out and tell me what you think!

Sí se puede!

Si se puede means "Yes, it can be done!" or "Yes, it is possible!" While I don't speak Spanish, I like using this saying; it's quite liberating  - and appropriate for parents like me.

Yes, it is possible to be a successful, happy single parent; yes, I can be this person today!

Have you noticed that "can" is a very powerful word? I'm trying as often as possible to replace "should" with "can" when I'm running down my never-ending list of things to do.

When I think "should" do something, I become one more person in my life that I have to nag and potentially be let down by. But when I "can" do something, I have one more choice available to me, and I am empowered.

But can I really be successful as a single parent? And can I be happy too? The answer is yes, if I choose to let go of my fear.

There is great fear in having the sole responsibility of raising children. There can be an almost certainty that you do not have enough love, time, strength, energy, patience & worth to be entrusted with this awesome task.

There is even temptation to accept less than what you deserve in a partner just so that you don't have waste time proving to yourself and your loved ones all the things you've decided you can not do.

My loved ones tell me I am a success story. They point to the two beautiful daughters I raise - who love, trust, and rely on me - and say that I must be doing something right.

Now, I am learning to listen to them. I am learning that I have wasted so much time on my fears, and I am unable to get that time back.

I am learning that success and happiness are not destinations, but states of mind. Every day that I wake up and decide to model these mindsets is a day that I do in fact succeed, and enjoy life.

It is also a day that I teach my children a little something too. I show them that they can live in fear, or they can live in love, but not both. I've made my choice - what is yours?

Please consider some of the most powerful words I have ever read - a speech given by Nelson Mandela:

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us.

"We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be?

"You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn't serve the world. There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you.

"We are all meant to shine, as children do. We are born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us, it's in everyone.

"And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."

Meltdown at the Market

It's finally happened - my angel baby officially hit her terrible two's. And it wasn't pretty.

It was my fault of course. AJ slept in late, so I assumed she was still good to go at what was normally her nap time. It was just a quick trip to the grocery store. I only needed six things. We'd be back in plenty of time for her to rest.

I was pre-warned in the car. It started with a kid's cup with a lid and straw she had in the car, one from a restaurant. After a minute of driving, she pulled the straw out and noticed that a little juice came with it.

Then she noticed that if she whipped it around in the air, the juice came back out. I didn't realize what she was doing, being the good driver that I am, until the juice hit my face.

"No AJ, put the straw back," I said.

"No," she replied lightly, without a care in the world, and did it again.

"AJ, I said NOW!"

She put the straw back in, but only get to more juice, then she started rubbing the juicy end of the straw all over her face.

"AJ, stop that!"

"I painting," she answered.

At this point, I tried reaching back to take it from her, but couldn't do it safely while driving.

"You're gonna get a time out!" I warned.

"OK," she happily replied as she continued.

At this point we were close to the store, so I gritted my teeth and drove. Once we parked, I opened her door, took her cup and straw, and said, "AJ, we do not paint our face with juice. This was a no no!"

Screaming commenced immediately, but it was short lived as we approached the front of the store and she saw a shopping cart with one of those little kiddy cars attached.

"I wanna drive!" she announced. It would make my ten minute trip easier, so it was fine with me.

We headed for the produce department, and everything went well. Then we rounded the back of the store to the meat department, and I made a crucial error.

While trying to decide between "eye of round roast," which my recipe called for; "tri tip roast untrimmed," which was on sale but looked pretty nasty as far as fatty stuff I would have to trim; and "tri tip roast trimmed," which was priced in the middle; I TURNED MY BACK. I know, what was I thinking?

I'll admit - I was engrossed because I have never bought a roast and didn't know what the H-E-double-hockey-sticks I was doing. It cost me an extra couple minutes. But the last thing I saw, she was contentedly steering the little wheel in front of her.

When I finally made my choice, I turned around to find her at my eye level - standing on top of the kiddy car instead.

"No!" I yelled and put her back inside the car. As any parent knows, the trick is to then quickly start moving, so that it becomes difficult for the child to climb back out. But I stopped one more time in the organic section, just to be sure I didn't feel like spending twice as much for my roast.

Back up to the roof she went.

"You are done!" I cried and stuck her into the child seat in the actual cart.

Again, screaming commenced, only this time something possessed this child to take off her shoe and THROW IT AT MY HEAD! She has never done something like this. It's not like her teenager sister does it. This was pure evil inspiration on her part.

I decided not to give it the attention she wanted - in the hopes that it would not become a repeat offense. I calmly picked up the shoe, put it in the cart, held her down in her new seat, and headed toward the checkout.

There, I unloaded my items onto the belt, told her to sit still, and walked around to the other side to pay. I looked into my purse to find my wallet, when I heard, "Um, ma'am..." and looked up to find AJ on top of the car again.

I walked back to that side, plucked her off the car, brought her back to my side, stood her next to me, and held her hand while trying to dig out my wallet with the other hand.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO," she screamed, literally at the top of her lungs, then BITES ME! Again, you may not believe me, but this child has been almost angelic for most of her short life.

I crouched down, got right in her face, and growled in a low voice, "WE DO NOT BITE."

"Sorry," I said to the checkout person and her bagger, who are looking at me like I'm holding hands with Chuckie's Bride or something. Even the tellers in the in-store bank have stopped to watch the show.

AJ flings herself onto the ground, but I'm still trying to pay, so I hold her between my feet while she pounds at the ground. Finally, the bagger asks if I would like help out.

"No, we'll be fine" I replied calmly. With my head held high, I picked the little monster up, tucked her under my arm like a football (a great hold for a child whose limbs are all flailing), and clumsily maneuvered the giant cart/car towards the exit.

By the time we were actually outside, the screaming turned to sobbing, but I kept ignoring her. Getting her into her car seat was rough, but it was accomplished, then I loaded up the groceries.

As we drove away, the sobs died away, then five minutes later, AJ's perky voice returns and she chirps, "I sorry Mommy." I look back to see a cheesy smile on her face, and think "Oh God, I've got another Jekyl and Hyde child."

"AJ, you were a very naughty girl in the store. You cannot do that again."

"OK," she happily replies again, then starts singing.

What could I do but laugh?

Health Insurance for Us Grownups

I just helped my sister sign up for health insurance through Kaiser. She's in her last year of college and has been stuck relying on her college's health center to write prescriptions and my mom to pay for them.

But I've been after her to take a look at Kaiser's health plans - they're pretty reasonable in our area. For $109 a month, I signed my sister (age 24) up for a $1,500 deductible plan. The great part is that she can get basic doctor's office visits and prescriptions without having to meet the deductible.

So, for instance, if she gets a sinus infection, she pays $30 to see the doctor and $10 for a generic drug to clear it up. Obviously she'll struggle if she has an accident or illness that requires labs, x-rays, an ER visit, etc., but she would have been in that position with no insurance either.

I think anyone who is struggling in today's economy, and just needs the basic assurance that a doctor can look them over if need be, should check out Kaiser's website and see if a plan like this can help them too.

Stay-Cations: Primitive to Premium

Have you heard the new rave? With the price of gas being so high, more families are avoiding vacations far from home and taking "staycations" - heading somewhere close to home for a little R&R at a reasonable price.

Well, I bet I'm not the first single parent to have figured this out a long time ago. One of the best parts of our summers is that we try to go camping a few times - and it really doesn't have to cost much.

Now, we are blessed with living in one of the most fabulous places on Earth here in Sonoma County. We live within an hour of no less than FIVE lakes, the Russian River and the ocean.

If water's not your thing, you can try some of our lovely redwood groves or lots of other county and state parks that have their special something to show you. How can we pass up heaven at a mere $15-30 bucks a night or so???

A quick google search for your county plus the work PARK is a good place to start looking at what your area has to offer. Also, you can head to parks.ca.gov for access to more than 270 parks statewide. Campgrounds range from "primitive" to "premium" in terms of accommodations.

For us, a sure bet is a KOA camp - wonderful for families that love clean showers and such. It's still only $20-40 a night, but they almost always come with a swimming pool and lots activities for families.

Some now feature a fabulous "Kamping Kitchen" which is a great covered area with access to stove burners, stovetop grills and even a microwave! Surely one of these places can entertain your family for a couple nights.

If you're a first timer, I would suggest getting up early on a Saturday, enjoying the campground or surrounding area for the day, checking in as soon as you can to set up your tent IN THE LIGHT (why do we always forget this part), and heading home Sunday. Don't overdo it, and you'll all want more!

Supply wise, just start with the absolute basics: tent, sleeping bags, flashlights, cooler, charcoal, weiner/marshmallow roasting sticks, and bug repellent. If it turns out you like camping, a more comprehensive list can be found on KOA's website under Family Zone.

For our family, we like three nighters. That way we can drive on, say, a Thursday, enjoy all day Friday and Saturday, and head home Sunday. We like having a couple days to relax that don't include driving and setting up or taking down.

And this can be done for only $100! Another $100 for food and activities and you're set! If this sounds expensive, it adds up to the cost of only one adult ticket to Disneyland. So enjoy your Staycations this summer, and spend some quality family time with your precious ones. They'll remember those times forever.