Spoiled Single Parent

I am in many ways a very spoiled single parent. I have at least three luxuries that many can only dream of, and it helps to remember that:

I am lucky enough to have affordable housing - a fact I occasionally take for granted until I hear tales from others. A friend recently sat at my kitchen table and told Aly and I how she grew up in a single parent household and had to sleep in kitchens, attics, "wherever there was a spot."

(You should have seen how wide Aly's eyes got! She has always had her own room, although she suffers from nightmares and still prefers my bedroom floor. But at least she has a space to call her own.)

By some small miracle, I receive child support, although this has been spotty lately. Of course, not receiving it for 11 years with Aly ensures I will always be able to sympathize with not getting it.

(I just wish it was a little more consistent these days, as I can never plan ahead with it, and my subsidized rent is based on the most I could get, versus what I often do get.)

I also receive subsidized child care, which means AJ attends a quality preschool and is not stuck, as a friend of mine is, relying on a relative who is providing (in my opinion) unhealthy food and minimal stimulation. I am fairly certain that AJ will be prepared for Kindergarten and her son will not.

It is not simply most single parents who would give anything for these luxuries, but in the case of assistance with housing and child care, many low-income families in general would. And "low-income" is subjective, because many parents cannot make do with their pay, but do not qualify for some of these programs.

I myself am somewhat "trapped" in making the amount of money I do. My budget is extremely tight, with no room for unexpected expenses. But if I were to make much more, all these services would disappear. Unfortunately, it would take even more money to be able to afford them on my own.

Still, it's better to be "trapped" with these luxuries than to be trapped with nowhere to turn. And I am grateful.

Budget Woes

Just as I begin to get a leg up, it never fails that the other leg is knocked out from under me.

I've settled into a very nice job with health insurance, sick pay, etc., and I had just about caught up on my bills when I stopped receiving child support from Aly's father.

Every other Tuesday, like clockwork, $213.70 would be deposited into my bank account (this is a great service from the Department of Child Support Services - I highly recommend it!).

But that stopped this month and due to confidentiality, while DCSS confirmed with his employer that he was no longer working there, they couldn't tell me if he was fired, laid off, or he just quit.

He's had this job for over a year and it's the only one we got support as a result of. It's hard to have high hopes that he'll just get another "over the table" job and we'll be back on track soon.

So I'm back to staring at my budget spreadsheet wondering how to squeeze $425 from it each month. Aly asks me why I do this almost daily right now, and I tell her I'm waiting for divine intervention.

I get paid about $1340 net per month from my job, and I get about $660 from Aly's father (at least my interests are... diversified right?!). So I have $2000 to work with at the moment.

Well, rent is $600 (thanks to low-income housing).

Utilities are an additional $100 - if you're low-income in California, make sure your utilizing the Lifeline program for telephone service and the CARE program for PG&E, both of which qualify you for discounted service. My water and garbage is included in my rent, which is good because water rates keep climbing too.

Food should be about $400 a month, but every time I walk in the freakin' store the prices have gone up again. Do you know how expensive it is to make sure a family of three gets their recommended daily amount of fruits and veggies?!

Tack on another $100 for diapers, wipes, toilet paper, sanitary supplies (hey, when there are two ovulating women, it doubles!), etc.

My portion of my subsidized (again, thank god) child care is about $100.

Gas... oh my, I have a mini heart attack every time I think about it... is now $300 a month and rising. And I'm just driving to work and those freakin' supermarkets. Car insurance and minor stuff like oil changes is an additional $100.

Our family entertainment budget is $100, and trust me, $25 a week doesn't get you what it used to - especially if you have to drive somewhere!

Unfortunately, I also have some credit card debt. When you're living like what I am describing here, a car repair, unexpected medical bill (like when Aly lost her health insurance), or any number of other unforeseen circumstances usually get put on credit. There's little room for those things in a budget like mine. And my JCPenney card balance is pretty high right now because, as you've seen, clothes are not noted in this budget either.

So I have $150 in credit card payments too.

And the final $50 heads to Aly for an allowance - roughly $10 a week, which I think is fair and which heads off requests for money when she wants to catch a movie with her friends or get a bite to eat at the snackbar after she volunteers at our local park.

And that's it. No money for saving. No money for more than the minimum payments on the cards, so I'm not paying down the balances, just paying the interest.

I actually had a car payment until a couple weeks ago. It was secured with a CD my father left me when he died, and I did that to help build my credit so I could get a real car loan someday. But after losing the child support, I just could not afford that $200 a month anymore. So now I don't have a car payment but I don't have six grand in the bank in case of a major emergency either.

I've also foregone some little things which made life a little more bearable when I was stressed - like my monthly pedicure (nothing better than a good foot rub when you've been on your feet all... year). So any ideas on free ways to spoil yourself would be welcome!

The only comfort is knowing that in today's economy, most families are strapped for cash and watching the cost of living skyrocket, so I know I'm not the only one waiting for that divine intervention.

"God, please smack those stupid politicians upside their heads and knock some sense into them... soon, and before it gets worse..."

Earned Income Credit

Across America, many single parents looking forward to February, and not because of Valentine's Day. They're waiting to pay off bills and maybe even plan a small purchase they've needed. Why? Because it's tax time!

Yes, many other Americans approach this time of the year with dread, but there are a group of us whose hopes are high due to a little thing called Earned Income Credit.

In the best case, any family with two or more children that earned between $12,000 and $16,000 last year (that's just wages, child support does not count) gets a maximum credit of $4,716 in their refund. For those with one child, the max is $2,853.

Don't those earnings seem tiny and unrealistic? They are. But a parent with two kids earning $10 an hour and working 30 hours per week (often 5 days a week for 6 hours while the kids are in school - so they don't waste precious resources on child care) makes $15,600. Right in that window of opportunity.

There is a range of credit available. A single parent with one child, making $12 an hour and working 40 hours per week, would get $1321. Even a single person with no children making $10,000 a year (perhaps while attending school) would get $196.

IRS Publication 596, which you can access here, gives you all the info you need about Earned Income Credit. Make sure that when you are filing your tax return, you determine your potential eligibility for this important credit. There are always unexpected bills to catch up on, cars to be repaired or replaced, etc. You work hard, and you deserve a break.

Getting Child Support

One of the reasons I am back on my feet after Hitting Rock Bottom is because I am finally receiving child support. But let me tell you, it wasn't easy getting here!

I didn't realize how difficult it is to actually obtain a court order for child support until AJ was born last year. It took about 14 months to get through the process! Someone needs to warn you about that when you start.

A case cannot be opened with California's Department of Child Support Services until your child is actually born. The father's name will not go onto the birth certificate if you are unmarried unless he actually fills out a Declaration of Paternity.

You must have the courts declare him the father before any support can be assigned. AJ's father was hard to pin down for an appointment for a DNA test. It wasn't until he received a notification that the court would go ahead and enter a judgment of paternity, if he didn't take the test, that he made his appointment.

To top it off, he skipped the first one and bought himself another few weeks before his make-up appointment (once again, a warning was issued that it was his last chance). By the way, back support was not accumulating at this point.

When the results finally came back, the rest of the process could start. There are lots of documents which verify each parent's income, assets, and expenditures (such as support to other "baby mommas"), as well as how much time each parent is spending with the child (he still hasn't met her - his choice).

After a few months, Child Support Services made an appointment with him to present him an "offer." He of course missed his first meeting again. Finally they gave him the amount over the phone, then he had 30 days to file a "hardship" document with the courts if he disagreed with the amount and couldn't afford it.

He did file it right at the last minute, and a court date was set. It's important for the petitioning parent to actually show up at this hearing, because Child Support Services gives the payer the "benefit of the doubt" and tries to make the amount reasonable. He of course did not show, so by dragging it out actually cost himself $100 more a month.

So the money should start coming in any day now, I thought. Uh, not quite. More paperwork had to be shuffled, and then a Wage Assignment had to be sent to his employer to take money directly from his paycheck. The employer has 45 days to institute this, so it was a bloody miracle when the money arrived.

I now have direct deposit for the support. You can even monitor payments made online. The amount I get from AJ's father are pretty screwy, and never the same. He gets paid weekly but they can only take up to 50 percent of your paycheck and have to consider other support obligations, insurance premiums, etc.

I now receive about $650 a month, so this was worth the hassle. Unfortunately, some families might get little or no money, but you never know what might come ten years down the road. My sympathies go out to those of you wading through this mess!

Hitting Rock Bottom

Before I can explain where I am financially, I think it helps to know where I was when I hit rock bottom - a place with no resources and little hope.

In the summer of 2005, I had an exciting home party business that allowed me to create my own schedule around my daughter's needs and go to college, I re-connected with a guy I had dated on and off for a few years and was excited about our future, and I had moved into a decent neighborhood where I thought Aly and I could settle for a while.

In September, I found out I was pregnant (birth control failure) and everything began to spiral out of control. My "divorced boyfriend" who "worked long hours" was actually barely separated from his wife and had been married while we dated before. I was so ashamed I didn't tell anyone about the baby.

In October, a horrific car accident just as school got out killed a brother and sister and wounded 11 others at my daughter's elementary school. Fortunately, while I witnessed bloodied children dying and trapped under vehicles, my daughter was far enough away to be spared the gory details, although the funeral rocked her to the core.

In one way, this event was a blessing in disguise, because I realized how precious life was and decided for sure to continue my pregnancy. At Thanksgiving, I finally told the first person, my best friend, about the baby.

I decided to wait until after the holidays to tell my family, because I didn't want to ruin the season for them. We spent New Year's weekend at my mom's house, and I broke the news to my daughter. I figured that once we got home, I would call Grandma (who I knew would temporarily disown me) and break the news.

Plans changed as I drove down my street and peered down the greenbelt towards my one-story condo. All the other condos had furniture and carpet piled in front of their doors. The weekend had brought terrible storms and flooded large sections of Northern California, including my town. My neighborhood was hit particularly hard, with stranded people being boated out after a pair of creeks overflowed.

We were unbelievably lucky that we were not home and our car was spared. Unfortunately, our belongings had sat for two days (no one had our cell number) and almost nothing could be saved. The money I was quietly saving for baby stuff was now going to have to go towards replacing things I already had.

Not only did we lose all of our furniture, most of our clothing, and a lot of treasured items like photos, but I also lost my computer, files and business kit (with product worth thousands of dollars). Now I had no way to continue making money either.

JCPenney stepped in with vouchers and discounts for clothing, the Red Cross helped with some other essentials, and the Salvation Army provided vouchers for hotel rooms, so our immediate needs were met thanks to the kindness of strangers.

My landlord had the resources to rebuild quickly, so unlike other condos which sat empty for months waiting for aid, our unit was ready in about a month. In the meantime, I applied for welfare - including money, food stamps & health insurance. Later, I can explain the basics of how the system works, but I want parents out there to understand that it is okay to use it as a temporary hand up - it's what it's there for.

When I finally told my family, they did cut me off emotionally for a while, as I had feared. In every way, I was starting over, and I felt very alone. Most single parents probably hit a point like this - so it's important to know it can get better, and there are resources out there to help you. But trust me when I say, I've been there.