Hitting Rock Bottom

Before I can explain where I am financially, I think it helps to know where I was when I hit rock bottom - a place with no resources and little hope.

In the summer of 2005, I had an exciting home party business that allowed me to create my own schedule around my daughter's needs and go to college, I re-connected with a guy I had dated on and off for a few years and was excited about our future, and I had moved into a decent neighborhood where I thought Aly and I could settle for a while.

In September, I found out I was pregnant (birth control failure) and everything began to spiral out of control. My "divorced boyfriend" who "worked long hours" was actually barely separated from his wife and had been married while we dated before. I was so ashamed I didn't tell anyone about the baby.

In October, a horrific car accident just as school got out killed a brother and sister and wounded 11 others at my daughter's elementary school. Fortunately, while I witnessed bloodied children dying and trapped under vehicles, my daughter was far enough away to be spared the gory details, although the funeral rocked her to the core.

In one way, this event was a blessing in disguise, because I realized how precious life was and decided for sure to continue my pregnancy. At Thanksgiving, I finally told the first person, my best friend, about the baby.

I decided to wait until after the holidays to tell my family, because I didn't want to ruin the season for them. We spent New Year's weekend at my mom's house, and I broke the news to my daughter. I figured that once we got home, I would call Grandma (who I knew would temporarily disown me) and break the news.

Plans changed as I drove down my street and peered down the greenbelt towards my one-story condo. All the other condos had furniture and carpet piled in front of their doors. The weekend had brought terrible storms and flooded large sections of Northern California, including my town. My neighborhood was hit particularly hard, with stranded people being boated out after a pair of creeks overflowed.

We were unbelievably lucky that we were not home and our car was spared. Unfortunately, our belongings had sat for two days (no one had our cell number) and almost nothing could be saved. The money I was quietly saving for baby stuff was now going to have to go towards replacing things I already had.

Not only did we lose all of our furniture, most of our clothing, and a lot of treasured items like photos, but I also lost my computer, files and business kit (with product worth thousands of dollars). Now I had no way to continue making money either.

JCPenney stepped in with vouchers and discounts for clothing, the Red Cross helped with some other essentials, and the Salvation Army provided vouchers for hotel rooms, so our immediate needs were met thanks to the kindness of strangers.

My landlord had the resources to rebuild quickly, so unlike other condos which sat empty for months waiting for aid, our unit was ready in about a month. In the meantime, I applied for welfare - including money, food stamps & health insurance. Later, I can explain the basics of how the system works, but I want parents out there to understand that it is okay to use it as a temporary hand up - it's what it's there for.

When I finally told my family, they did cut me off emotionally for a while, as I had feared. In every way, I was starting over, and I felt very alone. Most single parents probably hit a point like this - so it's important to know it can get better, and there are resources out there to help you. But trust me when I say, I've been there.