Meltdown at the Market

It's finally happened - my angel baby officially hit her terrible two's. And it wasn't pretty.

It was my fault of course. AJ slept in late, so I assumed she was still good to go at what was normally her nap time. It was just a quick trip to the grocery store. I only needed six things. We'd be back in plenty of time for her to rest.

I was pre-warned in the car. It started with a kid's cup with a lid and straw she had in the car, one from a restaurant. After a minute of driving, she pulled the straw out and noticed that a little juice came with it.

Then she noticed that if she whipped it around in the air, the juice came back out. I didn't realize what she was doing, being the good driver that I am, until the juice hit my face.

"No AJ, put the straw back," I said.

"No," she replied lightly, without a care in the world, and did it again.

"AJ, I said NOW!"

She put the straw back in, but only get to more juice, then she started rubbing the juicy end of the straw all over her face.

"AJ, stop that!"

"I painting," she answered.

At this point, I tried reaching back to take it from her, but couldn't do it safely while driving.

"You're gonna get a time out!" I warned.

"OK," she happily replied as she continued.

At this point we were close to the store, so I gritted my teeth and drove. Once we parked, I opened her door, took her cup and straw, and said, "AJ, we do not paint our face with juice. This was a no no!"

Screaming commenced immediately, but it was short lived as we approached the front of the store and she saw a shopping cart with one of those little kiddy cars attached.

"I wanna drive!" she announced. It would make my ten minute trip easier, so it was fine with me.

We headed for the produce department, and everything went well. Then we rounded the back of the store to the meat department, and I made a crucial error.

While trying to decide between "eye of round roast," which my recipe called for; "tri tip roast untrimmed," which was on sale but looked pretty nasty as far as fatty stuff I would have to trim; and "tri tip roast trimmed," which was priced in the middle; I TURNED MY BACK. I know, what was I thinking?

I'll admit - I was engrossed because I have never bought a roast and didn't know what the H-E-double-hockey-sticks I was doing. It cost me an extra couple minutes. But the last thing I saw, she was contentedly steering the little wheel in front of her.

When I finally made my choice, I turned around to find her at my eye level - standing on top of the kiddy car instead.

"No!" I yelled and put her back inside the car. As any parent knows, the trick is to then quickly start moving, so that it becomes difficult for the child to climb back out. But I stopped one more time in the organic section, just to be sure I didn't feel like spending twice as much for my roast.

Back up to the roof she went.

"You are done!" I cried and stuck her into the child seat in the actual cart.

Again, screaming commenced, only this time something possessed this child to take off her shoe and THROW IT AT MY HEAD! She has never done something like this. It's not like her teenager sister does it. This was pure evil inspiration on her part.

I decided not to give it the attention she wanted - in the hopes that it would not become a repeat offense. I calmly picked up the shoe, put it in the cart, held her down in her new seat, and headed toward the checkout.

There, I unloaded my items onto the belt, told her to sit still, and walked around to the other side to pay. I looked into my purse to find my wallet, when I heard, "Um, ma'am..." and looked up to find AJ on top of the car again.

I walked back to that side, plucked her off the car, brought her back to my side, stood her next to me, and held her hand while trying to dig out my wallet with the other hand.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO," she screamed, literally at the top of her lungs, then BITES ME! Again, you may not believe me, but this child has been almost angelic for most of her short life.

I crouched down, got right in her face, and growled in a low voice, "WE DO NOT BITE."

"Sorry," I said to the checkout person and her bagger, who are looking at me like I'm holding hands with Chuckie's Bride or something. Even the tellers in the in-store bank have stopped to watch the show.

AJ flings herself onto the ground, but I'm still trying to pay, so I hold her between my feet while she pounds at the ground. Finally, the bagger asks if I would like help out.

"No, we'll be fine" I replied calmly. With my head held high, I picked the little monster up, tucked her under my arm like a football (a great hold for a child whose limbs are all flailing), and clumsily maneuvered the giant cart/car towards the exit.

By the time we were actually outside, the screaming turned to sobbing, but I kept ignoring her. Getting her into her car seat was rough, but it was accomplished, then I loaded up the groceries.

As we drove away, the sobs died away, then five minutes later, AJ's perky voice returns and she chirps, "I sorry Mommy." I look back to see a cheesy smile on her face, and think "Oh God, I've got another Jekyl and Hyde child."

"AJ, you were a very naughty girl in the store. You cannot do that again."

"OK," she happily replies again, then starts singing.

What could I do but laugh?