Be A Good Advocate

One of our primary job descriptions as parents is that of an advocate - for our children, and for ourselves.

With our kids, we advocate for teachers and schools that meet their needs, for doctors to pay attention when we know something is just not right, for any social services they may qualify for if those services can better their lives, etc.

The harder one, I sometimes think, is advocating for our own needs: adequate sleep, proper nutrition and exercise, personal time... I say advocate because it's hard to stand up and say these needs are real and important.

It's hard to tell our children, for instance, that they have to be in bed (and stay there) after a certain time - not only for their own well-being but for ours. So that we can read, or take a bath, or gleefully watch totally inappropriate TV (shout out to Mama Bear).

When we are at our wits end, I think it's often the Advocate within us that needs a tune-up. When you or a friend who is a parent is feeling lost, specifically ask, "What are you doing to advocate for yourself these days?"

Offer suggestions if they give you a blank look, or start to cry and wail, "I DON'T KNOOOOOOOOOW!" Or take some of mine:

Find someone who would like to take turns with you watching each other's kids for a couple hours on a particular weekday. Think about taking walks with a friend a couple nights a week.

Find out if your, her or his health insurance pays for counseling or parenting classes. Ask if somebody needs a little "medication adjustment," if you know what I mean.

And when you feel like you are failing your children, figure out how to be a better advocate for them. This includes admitting if there are needs we are having a hard time meeting for them, and maybe figuring out who else can.

Aly is drowning me in her need for attention right now. I just don't have that much I can give these days, but that doesn't mean her need isn't valid (even if it is a bit excessive).

So, in the last couple weeks, I've signed her up for recreational Water Polo, and counseling with a therapist who specializes in teens and ADHD. My friend saw my desperation and hooked us up with Big Brothers, Big Sisters.

This all requires some more planning and driving on my part, but frankly, driving her takes less energy than entertaining her does. And I feel less guilty, and have a little extra "me" time. That's what is important here.

So remember, the word of the week is Advocate, Advocate, Advocate. Si se puede!