Single Parent Soundboard

Good Morning Wellbutrin

Singleparent — Mon, 25 Aug 2008 14:39:13 GMT

This weekend, someone shared with me that you have two choices as daylight awakens you. You can say, "Good Morning, God" or you can say, "Good God, Morning."

Now, she didn't say one need be limited to the word God. It could be Good Morning Earth, or Life, or Happiness. The point was that determining your frame of mind at the start of the day can greatly influence your overall outlook as that day progresses.

Is it one of gratitude for having one more day with our precious loved ones? For waking up in an industrialized country not being ravaged by war and poverty (well, I know this point could be argued, but you know what I mean)?

This is not to say we all don't wake up to some mornings consumed by sadness or anger. There are definitely times when "Good God, another morning to face" feels quite appropriate. And that's okay, if you try to let the good days outnumber the bad.

Being the jokester that I am, I asked if it was okay that I awoke each day to say, "Good Morning Wellbutrin." Hey, it greatly influences MY day. And when you have a family that has been ravaged by mental health issues for generations, this is definitely gratitude-worthy.

I guess I'm thankful for modern medicine, and health insurance, and a society that values - maybe not mental health in itself (we'll get there someday) - but the drugs that help get us there.

Go pharmaceuticals!

Overwhelmed About Organics

Singleparent — Thu, 14 Aug 2008 05:40:56 GMT

Are you overwhelmed yet? I am. Everywhere I turn, I find another food I'm either supposed to buy an organic version of - or not buy at all. Buying organic is expensive, but it's the giving up which is particularly painful.

My friend and I went for an hour long walk the other day, which gave us plenty of time to debate the merits of various claims. You know:

*Eating meat-free one day a week is the equivalent of taking so-many-million cars of the road

*Antibiotics pumped into most animals are creating superbugs that future antibiotics won't be able to fight

*Pesticides used on fruits and veggies will eventually make your child grow a third arm

That sort of thing.

Frankly, I think she thinks I'm just psychotic. Her family happily barbeques cheap steaks three times a week and never gives a second thought to it. She often uses that whole "they'll always come up with something supposedly dangerous that our parents survived just fine with" argument.

The problem is my mom was actually raised growing her own vegetables and doing all kinds of things we now call "organic." It's our generation that's screwed.

But knowing all this stuff is torture, because changing habits is even more torturous. Do you know how much easier it is to leave my bottled water in the car to grab between errands, even though plastic is seeping into the water and poisoning me?

Riding a bike or bus to work sounds nice, but my kids are accident-prone and when a bead gets lodged in an unmentionable place, I kinda need to get from work to daycare ASAP.

Most importantly, we are DAIRY QUEENS. I drank so much milk when I was pregnant that my doctor TOLD ME TO STOP. AJ would eat at least three yogurts a day if I let her. And don't even get me started on ice cream!

"Baby steps, baby steps," I panted on my walk, and I wasn't just pep talking myself through the next mile. Little changes will add up to big changes, and eventually I'll be doing my part to save the world.

But can't I please keep my Cold Stone too?!

Healthy, Home-Cooked Meals

Singleparent — Wed, 30 Jul 2008 15:49:46 GMT

In our efforts to get healthy and save more money on food, we are making a bigger effort to have home cooked, from scratch meals. It's hard work!

At some point, I picked up a book called KidShape Cafe, by Naomi Neufeld, and we are now putting it to use. It features "over 150 kid-tested recipes" from Chef David Lawrence and, so far, my kids have enjoyed them all.

The nicest feature of the book is in the back, where three weeks worth of meal plans are listed: breakfast, lunch, dinner w/ dessert, and two snacks. There's plenty to eat, and there are columns for diets consisting of 1,200, 1,500, 1,800, and 2,200 calories per day, so you know how much should be served to a person needing any of those.

Most of the recipes are really simple, and there's a nice variety. Sections are broken up into breakfasts and breads, lunches, snacks and drinks, main dishes, soups and chili, veggies and side dishes, and desserts (11 with 200 calories or less!).

A lot of the main dish recipes feature boneless, skinless chicken breasts or ground turkey, so it's easy for me to head to Costco and pick up big packs of these. You can also watch for sales on both at regular grocery stores, especially if you want organic, and stock up your freezer.

Now we're eating wonderfully, right? Well, not quite. The hard thing is that it takes TIME to commit to your family's health. And any parent who works during the day is aware of the meltdowns that often happen once everyone is home in the evening.

My new goal is to have a healthy snack ready as soon as I pick up the girls. Then, once we're home, it's immediately outside for a walk or some play time to burn off some energy. Even 20 minutes will do. The girls get my undivided attention and a good walk will lower my stress level yet increase my energy to get me through the evening.

Then I can come in and whip up most of these meals in a half hour. One trick is to plan ahead, shop for groceries on the weekend, and measure out / chop ingredients as soon as you bring them home. Always plan 10 minutes extra prep time for any recipe if you have to do it on the spot, more if your kids are especially prone to interrupting!

Another great feature of the book is that most meals are made to serve six, so we always have leftovers. This is great for lunch the next day, or an easy dinner the next night. Speaking of lunches, there are also some great ways to break out of the traditional sandwich-and-an-apple rut.

I recommend the book, and I recommend working through any frustrations you have about making time for cooking. I understand, believe me, but it's so satisfying to sit down and serve a healthy, home-cooked meal to your loved ones. Good luck!

Speaking the Loudest & Longest

Singleparent — Sat, 12 Jul 2008 01:07:13 GMT

I am in an interesting situation now at work. I am a low-income person providing a vital community service to other low-income people.

My agency offers free / affordable counseling for those who are un / under-insured. These families are often in crisis and have no where to turn. They need help NOW.

I have SO been there and done that. I previously shared my experience in getting Aly on Healthy Families. I had to continually call and sometimes even demand to speak to a supervisor to get my case handled. I never received the return phone calls I asked for. It was a mess.

Of course, that was a government agency. It's their duty to provide the services assigned to them. The agency I work for is a non-profit trying to help the community as much as it can. We can simply turn people away if we need to.

At my office, we perform "intake" over the phone - figuring out what kind of help someone needs, their availability, how much they can pay, etc. Then we fit them in when we can. If they are waiting for a "free spot," they may have to wait a while until one opens up. We are overwhelmed with those in need.

I have been warned that people will "march in and try to take advantage" of us. There really isn't anything we can do for a walk-in client, except tell them to call the Intake Line. We cannot HELP NOW, as some ask for or demand.

But I have also spoken up to fellow staff and shared my own experiences in needing low-income assistance of one kind or another. There are some people who take advantage of programs, who take what they sometimes don't even deserve, but there are others like myself too.

I've learned that the only way to get some of my family's needs met is to be speaking the loudest and the longest. A lot of systems are accidentally set up to only "reward" people like me: who don't give up, who demand answers, who ask WHY?

Most agencies, governmental and non-profit, have more people asking for help than they will EVER have time or money for. It's about patience, persistence, and paying attention to all the little rules - and traps.

Just remember that when you're calling in to talk to someone like me, you'll "catch more flies with honey than vinegar." You'd be suprised how far a nice attitude and a simple "Can you please help me?" can get you.

Health Insurance for Grownups

Singleparent — Mon, 16 Jun 2008 03:26:24 GMT

I just helped my sister sign up for health insurance through Kaiser. She's in her last year of college and has been stuck relying on her college's health center to write prescriptions and my mom to pay for them.

But I've been after her to take a look at Kaiser's health plans - they're pretty reasonable in our area. For $109 a month, I signed my sister (age 24) up for a $1,500 deductible plan. The great part is that she can get basic doctor's office visits and prescriptions without having to meet the deductible.

So, for instance, if she gets a sinus infection, she pays $30 to see the doctor and $10 for a generic drug to clear it up. Obviously she'll struggle if she has an accident or illness that requires labs, x-rays, an ER visit, etc., but she would have been in that position with no insurance either.

I think anyone who is struggling in today's economy, and just needs the basic assurance that a doctor can look them over if need be, should check out Kaiser's website and see if a plan like this can help them too.

Don't Give Up!

Singleparent — Tue, 11 Mar 2008 06:16:54 GMT

I've been trying for a couple months now to get Aly signed up with Healthy Families, and it has been exhausting!

I downloaded the application, made a checklist of all the things I needed to provide, sent off everything with a check (they ask you to make the first payment up front), and waited to hear we were back on track.

After a couple weeks, I called to check the status of the application, and they informed me that I sent them "a bunch of blank pages." Now, I could see where I might have accidentally sent one blank page by mistake, but this didn't make sense.

Apparently, all paperwork of this nature received by the California Health and Human Services department get scanned in to their system so that any Customer Service Representative can recall your files on their computer and let you know what's happening. I suspect someone fed my documents into the scanner upside down.

So, I faxed two copies each of the "missing" documents, along with a letter asking a supervisor to call me upon receipt of the fax. I stated I was concerned about birth certificates and documents with social security numbers mysteriously disappearing, and I wanted to make sure my papers made it into the right hands and were enough to complete the app.

I never heard back from anyone (do they not have to account for their department's actions?) but did receive a letter another two weeks later saying I did not provide the appropriate paperwork and was being denied. By the way, they still cashed my check!

One of the main requirements is documentation of child support received. My child support is direct deposited, so I have no check stubs, but I do receive a monthly statement from (get this) the Health and Human Services Department (says so right on the top) showing all the support received.

In spite of the fact that this statement is produced by the same agency, it is not considered appropriate documentation! You need a copy of the court order (my order for Aly is pretty old and I get more than that amount currently) or a letter from the other parent (which #1 could be falsified, unlike the statement, and #2 could be impossible to obtain if you are like us and don't know where the person is).

So I had to fax out-of-date information with yet another letter stating how urgent it was that she get this insurance immediately.

Her physical and mental health is crumbling before my eyes, I already pay $270 per month that I can barely afford for my own insurance (it is not available through my work), and the system--supposedly in place to help children like Aly not fall through the cracks--seems to be set up to confuse and frustrate parents so they will give up!

Parents - a lot of systems are like this. They reward the few that educate themselves on their rights and options, are stubborn and tenacious, and don't give up.

Is it a lot of work? Yes. Does it hardly seem worth it? Yes. Should you try anyway? Absolutely. If you can reach the finish line, your family will save valuable money that can be put towards other necessary resources. We owe it to our kids to at least give it our best shot.

A lot of parenting involves being realistic about a tough road ahead and slowly but surely making it down that road. Don't give up - we can do it!

Medi-Cal & Healthy Families

Singleparent — Sun, 23 Dec 2007 07:24:46 GMT

Here in California, the form of Medicaid available to low-income families is either Medi-Cal or Healthy Families.

Medi-Cal is available to pregnant women with no other children who make less than $1,700 a month, and entire families according to income. The guidelines are a little complicated, but for my family of three, I could make up to $1,900 a month and have no-cost care for us.

To apply, you have to call or visit your county's Social Services office (look in the government pages of your phone book). Of course, this affects your ability to collect your child support, because the government will want to offset its cost.

Healthy Families has a very small share of cost, and is only for children with no other insurance. My family of three can make up to $3,500 a month. You actually purchase real plans, such as Blue Cross or Kaiser, through the government.

"You pay a monthly premium between $4 and $15 for each child, up to a maximum of $45 for all children in a family enrolled in the Healthy Families Program," according to their website. Some services require a $5 co-pay.

"Call 1-800-880-5305 if you do not already have a child enrolled in Healthy Families. You can ask questions, have the application form sent to you or apply by phone. You can call Monday to Friday, 8 a.m. to 8 p.m., or on Saturday, 8 a.m. to 5 p.m. The call is free."

It's pretty easy to apply for services, but it's extremely important that you keep on top of the necessary paperwork. If you apply for Healthy Families, and they determine you make too little, they will direct you where to go for Medi-Cal.

You do have to reapply every year, so make sure you inform them if you move. Otherwise they will cancel you.

Making Time for Healthy Eating

Singleparent — Mon, 17 Dec 2007 06:25:18 GMT

One of my biggest challenges as a single parent is serving healthy meals. I think a lot of us get so caught up in the fast-food lifestyle that a decent, home-cooked meal becomes only a distant memory before we know it.

Fortunately, my family actually eats very little fast food, particularly because my tween is a vegetarian and doesn't want to get near a burger joint. Unfortunately, I've taken a more expensive, even more fattening route and gotten into a restaurant lifestyle.

Hey, I work hard, my kids already make enough of a mess without adding food and dishes into the mix, and I deserve it, right?

For the longest time, I thought I was treating myself nicely by allowing this luxury. Us parents are supposed to spoil ourselves a little - take care of us in addition to taking care of everyone else.

But I recently read something that changed my pattern of thinking. It said that cooking yourself a healthy meal is one of the best ways to treat yourself well. You're saying, "I deserve a little time and effort, I need to nourish my body and soul."

I've decided I do deserve this, but I still haven't found a time fairy to wave her magic wand and give me an extra hour a day. So I started looking for help, and I recently discovered a franchise called Dinner My Way.

My older daughter and I go online to view their menu of the month, which includes nutritional information and cooking directions for various dinners (and sometimes other meals) that we can purchase, along with the pricing.

These dinners (priced around $20) serve six, so our family of three can easily get two meals out of each, for about $10, which is less than I would pay eating out.

We pick out meals that are relatively healthy, or at least easy to modify, and simple to cook. The fun part is that we get to schedule a little mother-daughter time by heading to the "store" at a designated time and assembling our meals.

There are little "stations" that list the ingredients, which have already been washed, cut up, etc., and we get to work filling ziploc bags or foil tins with two cups of this and one teaspoon of that. Then we head home and put the tins and bags into our freezer with little labels that say exactly how to cook it.

Because we assemble them, we have control over how much salt goes into the meals, and we split a dinner like Hearty Taco Soup into two bags - one with meat and one without. My daughter is also excited to come home and try a new meal that she helped prepare.

I also invested in a crock pot, which makes it easy to pour in one of the ziploc bags, set on low, and have a wonderful smelling house to come home to.

We usually serve an extra helping of vegetables, often those Birds Eye Steam Fresh frozen veggies that you can microwave right in the bag they came in. This way, I can sometimes stretch the meal into an extra lunch for me too.

Obviously we can't afford to eat like this every night, so we still have our cheaper spaghetti meals mixed in there. And I still allow one meal to be eaten out per week. But we are on a better path now, and we are pretty excited about "spoiling" ourselves this way.